Posts tagged ugly

to a square and wholly unattractive house

Today I returned to the house that I used to live in. The place that I had called home for many years, several years ago. It all seems familiar and yet quite foreign. My dogs are gone, dead I hear, replaced by new dogs that don’t know me but are friendly nonetheless. Now their primary occupation is to be guard dogs, so they really shouldn’t be friendly, but I am not complaining.

As I look around, there are remnants of my past life littered about. Some dusty and forgotten. Others used, abused and now discarded and still others, tenets of the lives that now claim this building as theirs. This square wholly unattractive establishment, that for a time was home to me.

It is hard to process and enunciate my feelings concerning the changes. It is as though life has carried on in my absence and my eight years here has made no mark. It’s left no lasting impression, no artifact from the hive of activity that surrounded this house. No memories of my coming of age in this square box, that looked like it was dropped from the sky.

For a while there, when my mother had returned to Nigeria and it was my father and I here at home, I was the woman of the house. I was the manager and I was the keeper. But that time is up, and this boxed house needs me no more. I loved, in truth still love this house, ugliness and all. It was here that I embraced myself. Here that I became me. Here that knows me no more.

It is hard to be a forgotten; a tough pill to swallow that you are no longer remembered and you no longer matter. Perhaps this but a reflection of life itself. Through life’s seasons, places come and go, people come and go, and we can only hope that in the brief window of opportunity that we have to share together, you can make me better and honor of all honors, I can make you better. This I hope for.

Accepting now that my season with this house is over, I know that it has made me better and I hope that despite the lack of evidence, I have in some small way made it better. Though I may never know. After all can a house, a building change? Nonetheless, I am grateful for the opportunity to come back, to pay my respects, homage to this square, ugly building that helped make me the person that I am proud to be today. Thank you.


 Zmb2009lot3 021

Still square and wholly unattractive, once my home.


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